Wednesday, Jun 25th "I see you there with the rose in your teeth/ One more thin gypsy thief"

Reading: Same, of course Music: As stated below Mood: Unremarkable, either way

I was listening to "Famous Blue Raincoat" and it brought me to the conclusion that Leonard Cohen is a wonderful lyricist. Of course, I have always been awed by "Hallelujah," which might possibly be the greatest single song ever written. But his mastery does not end with "Hallelujah." Even though he builds a different situation there, "Raincoat" always makes me think about a conversation with a near stranger at a party, when it's late and most people are already sleeping, it's dark and quiet and suddenly he starts telling you the story of his heartbreak. You don't care much about the people he's talking about but the drama is still fascinating. I read somewhere an analysis which suggested that both men in the triangle might be Cohen and while it's far-fetched, the idea makes the song even more fascinating. I was mostly listening to Joan Baez version because I like it musically but I dislike how she changes "my woman" to "some woman." The whole point of this song is its personal aspect so removing this certainly doesn't work well and if she chooses such a song to cover she can't shy away from lesbian undertones.

Tuesday, Jun 24th "And who's all hung-up on that happiness thing"

Reading: Simultaneously "Gone with the Wind" [yeah, Rhett is cool; I'll tell you more conclusions later] and Palahniuk's "Choke" - it's a little too naturalistic to read at breakfast so it's taking me longer than I thought it would. Reading Palahniuk's novels is like reading one book because he never changes the style. It might be a flaw but maybe he just found the right tone - and it does appeal to me; it captures modernity. And of course, thanks for the book, M! Music: Hah, recently I'm a last.fm convert. It reminded me of a few cool things that I never paid enough attention to. Like Buffalo Springfield, which I listened to at R's but only now did I realize what a cool folk band they were. And Joan Baez - I really like her newer stuff, for a change, when her voice is a little lower; she did a great cover of "Famous Blue Raincoat" for example Mood: Lazy

I watched "Factory Girl." It could've been a real gem but I still liked it. I mean, it was a film where my favorite cute intellectual Rebel-with-No-Cause stereotype was none other than Bob Dylan [I swear I don't mean to get too monotonous in my entries but this is apparently Dylan's month for me], even if they couldn't use his name. I hated that actor, by the way, but think of the idea! Also, it was nice visually; again, it could've been a little more experimental, seeing the topic it depicted, but it was at least pretty. And then I dreamt that Andy Warhol was my dad and tried to stealthily kill me. What.

Friday, Jun 13th "Intoxicated with sad songs"

Reading: More like, looking at the pictures. History of early Renaissance art. They all painted the same and most of them in the same way and when I have to recognize the authors it drives me crazy Music: I listened to Jakob Dylan's solo album and it satisfies my taste for simpler-than-simple acousticity. Plus he's got a cool voice Mood: Suspiciously good

Yesterday I described the Dylan trip in my diary and it amounted to eight pages. Yeah, real A4 pages not some pinky heart-shaped parodies. But don't worry, there won't be quotations. Just one more observation that relistening to "Beyond the Horizon" brought me: perfect as his studio songs are [perfect being a relative term here], the concert versions are always the best. I'm thinking '66 "Visions of Johanna" or '75 "Romance in Durango." And yeah, he's still got it. On a totally unrelated note, I realized that as far as my social position is concerned it is good that I am not a vegetarian. Not because people disregard vegetarians here, but if I were veggie I'd be SO smug about it. I guess I'm nicer when I feel guilty than self-righteous.

Sunday, Jun 8th I Never Talked to Bob Dylan

Reading: I read 1/10 of "Gone with the Wind" on the train [which is only up till Scarlett's first marriage, apparently] and am so curious if this time I'll find Rhett or Ashley more attractive Music: :) Mood: Aaaaaah

Some things in life, very, very rarely, are so right that they feel unreal. Yesterday I saw Bob Dylan live. Despite all my love, admiration and devotion for Bob Dylan somehow I never even thought I would see him live. To such an extent that when I heard he'd be performing I wasn't absolutely sure whether to go. Yeah, seriously. The tickets sold out immediately and I thought "Oh, well, I don't even like concerts very much." But then I talked to a friend who drew my attention to the fact that it's a club concert, not some stadium monstrosity and only that made me go frantic with "Gah, how can I miss such an opportunity!" Same day I was ordering tickets and paying through the nose. It cost me a perfectly good professional tablet but you don't hear me complaining, no sir. Not only was the concert really small, we also had places right by the barrier! True, I was closer to the column than Bob and it cost me a few hearing points but I was just a few meters away from Bob Dylan, closer than I'd ever imagined, staring and learning that the bad stuff they say about his concerts is so not true. Yeah, he didn't connect with the audience but nor did he forget words or disregard us. He had his job to do and he did it well. He was not a puppet cashing in on his past success nor an impersonator of his own persona from the 60's, like so many others from that generation. He was the man, the owner of all those songs who had the right to do whatever he damn pleased with them; and a self-confident artist who still has things to say; and, a most private opinion, one of the greatest artistic minds of the last century. Of course, when he played things from the 60's, especially "Love Minus Zero," it was almost unbearably emotional to me [and utterly unbelievable, as in: "I'm listening to "The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll" live, myohmyohmyohmyohmy"] but the new stuff sounded much better than I'd expected too. And the band he plays with really rocks, in the most literal sense. It's not some watered down accompaniment that you accept because they play with Dylan, it was pure, powerful rock'n'roll that the pathetic bands of today can't even dream of imitating. Of course, as ancient somebodies thought, things can't be perfect or the world would end. And the one thing missing from perfection was "Visions of Johanna." But this omission saved me from certain death of happiness and here I am, a satisfied person. Yeah, I know. Egyptians. Oh, by the way, how does it feel to hear me gushing with enthusiasm for a change?

Friday, Jun 6th "What you give is what you get/ These days I'm worried 'bout your debts"

Reading: Slowly edging towards the moment when I'll really have to learn that history of mediaeval art Music: The Wallflowers! Here's the list of my favorite songs so far: "Shy of the Moon" [if all of their music was like this they would so be my favorite band], "Here He Comes (Confessions of a Drunken Marionette)" [great melody and a few good texts; plus I can never resist whistling], "See You When I Get There" [catchy melody again], the two I linked last time, but especially those versions. His lyrics border on greatness, usually falling into banality but not without touching upon striking observations Mood: Alright, if fraught a little with catastrophic visions of where today's cinema is going

Well, we just went to see "Indiana Jones and the Something of Something Else" [not my choice, pleaseplease believe me!]. This might contain spoilers but if I were you I wouldn't care. Here's what I liked: the 60's campus with the cool costumes and the atmosphere. Anything else you can think of, I certainly didn't like it. As a disclaimer, I never saw the previous three parts [well, I did see the Ark bit and didn't fancy it] so I don't know how much of the plot was classic idiocy and how much was pure idiocy but seriously, tolerant as I am, I can put up with surviving a nuclear explosion in a fridge [see, it was so easy to beat the commies, just equip people with fridges; if I were with Whirpool I'd be already trying to use this in a commercial]; but the aliens? Seriously, these aliens?! Give me a break. The only good thing is that having already used up the alien motif they really can't make part 5 because there's nothing more preposterous to top that. I mean, surely there isn't? And now my twisted mind is coming up with ideas. Somebody stop me.

Thursday, Jun 4th "Orion aims and shoots his arrows oh so far/ Aims 'em hard/ He shoots the moon and takes her as his own reward"

Reading: Bits and pieces. Trying for history of art and ending up with a TV guide Music: The Wallflowers. I feel like their music has more potential than it actually realizes but it's quite pleasant and they get loads of points for Jakob Dylan. I always suspected the world needed a good-looking version of Bob Dylan and this guy has also a really good voice. Not everyone can write like Bob or, more like, no one else can. But instead of taking my word for it just check out this video and this one. Cool, huh? You know it is cool Mood: Bored with my work and excited about the weekend

Welcome back. I'm alive and did pretty well during the exam session [which is not over but easier on me right now]. Which means that next time I will be even less motivated to work diligently, knowing that it's so easy to pull off doing everything at the last possible moment. Well, if you like sleep deprivation, that is. But you DO get used to it and it only hurts a little. Some time in the future I'll update the portfolio. Right now I'm mostly relaxing.

Monday, May 18th "I'd put you in a mirror I put in front of me"

Reading: Gah. Random stuff lying around. I try not to start anything not to get distracted and I end up reading TV guide. Is that addiction or what. The last thing I read was Houellebeque's debut novel. I always find sad grains of truth in such depressive writing even if overall it's not my life philosophy Music: Velvet Underground Mood: [Exhausted laugh here]

I don't have time for that but because I'm irresponsible I just wanted to tell you that I love "Pale Blue Eyes" by Velvet Underground. It's such a perfect song with simple but far-from-obvious lyrics. And whenever he sings "But it's truly, truly a sin" he both reminds me of Clapton and sends chills down my spine. Not that Clapton generally does it but he has his moments [and he'll perform here, yay]. And come to think of it, most of my favorite songs are kind of similar.

Thursday, May 8th "Men spelar det na'n roll"

Reading: Finishing Axelsson. Not as good as her later novels but reads faster than light Music: Cornelis Vreesvijk in his Swedish version. The amazing thing is that I understand him a little, after all this time of not doing any Swedish Mood: Maybe a quick note to make me feel better

There are two good things about summertime. One is that I get freckles. The other one is that it's the Season of Dark Glasses. And when you wear sunglasses you can stare people in the eyes. Look them up and down and up again. Gawk at strangers. Gaze at ugly scars and deformations. Admire strange outfits and enviable details. If you learn to keep your neck still and fix your lips into impenetrable shape you can completely ignore the Code of Turning Away Your Eyes. Yeah, I'm really good at enjoying little joys of life.

Sunday, May 4th "Excuse me, I couldn't hear you, I was talking"

Reading: Planning to start the history of medieval art and another Axelsson Music: For instance? "Into My Arms" by Nick Cave. I forgot that I once liked it a lot until I was reminded Mood: Oh, it's a long story

Well, my attention has been drawn to the fact that hiatusing after the last entry might suggest that I killed myself or something. And maybe someone would even care. I like to think so sometimes. So while I probably won't be writing here for around a month for a number of reasons, I'm going to leave you with this optimistic note: apparently if something is meant for you, you can't lose it. I once read this Dilbert strip but forgot to save it and it went out of archives. But now Dilbert has the whole archive online! It seriously does.

Tuesday, Apr 22nd "I choose the rooms that I live in with care/ the windows are small and the walls always bare"

Reading: Same Music: Waits Mood: Bleh

I'm so fed up with myself. If I were some other person I would just tell myself: "You know, let's not hang out for a while, I need a break."

Monday, Apr 21st "Get word to April to rescue me"

Reading: I started another Dukaj novel and on the first few pages I have to wade through the language conventions he invented, needless to say completely different than the ones in the last novel. Still, after the last experience I know that after a while you get used to the new language and it reads well enough. Frankly, I think if I didn't know Polish I could count on the fingers of one hand the things I would be spiritually poorer for not knowing. Which is a complicated way of saying that I don't think Polish literature is very good. But I come to realize that for some peculiar reason it has a lot to offer in fantasy/sf, to mention just Lem, Sapkowski and possibly Dukaj too Music: The list currently includes Tom Waits, Patti Smith and Paul Simon. I know, it's a strange combination but somehow it works. By the way, Waits is such a great lyricist, working with perfectly simple means [unlike Dylan; simple unlike Dylan, I mean, because Dylan is obviously the best lyricist] and achieving just the right result. Like in "November" which has so much mood it's almost as if taken out of Gaiman's writing Mood: So so confused. Which prevents me from working but I'm determined to beat it. However, today I went to make etching prints and ended up chatting to the studio assistant [and a few friends]. And then just went home. Argh. Still, it's nice to chat to someone who can use an expression like "he was pulling a Claudius." I know, it's not an awfully difficult historical/cultural reference but still kind of rare for me to hear

For a moment today before leaving home I was listening to Tom Waits and reading Marek Hlasko. I don't think I can explain to you what a special combination this is if you don't know Hlasko. If you do you'll know what I mean without further explanations. Hlasko's short stories are such a special thing to me. It was this rare case for me when you read the right book at the right moment and it has an eternal effect on you; it doesn't even have to be a good book. I don't mean that you go out and act differently because of it but it imprints itself in, well, you. I first read him when I was, well, eleven or twelve, when pretentiousness doesn't make you cringe yet. And maybe that's why I still think he can pull it off in a way that just works. I didn't even realize until much later but he created the ideal of a man for me to SUCH a large extent. Even if I reject it reasonably I still sense the appeal. But I really meant to write about Tom Waits whom I'm learning to love. I've recently had a few independent conversations about acquired taste, like with beer. Well, I never learned to like beer but I did learn to love the taste of olives and I think Tom Waits and possibly also Dylan is so much acquired taste. First time you hear them you are likely put off but as you return you find new things and finally you love it. Everyone thinks you're just a snob but by that time you can't imagine life without, say, Bob Dylan. Or olives.

Friday, Apr 18th "Who am I to blow against the wind"

Reading: Still the same Music: "Graceland" by Simon. I don't adore it but I kind of like it Mood: I'll live, thank you

Maybe what I really need now is to go out and dance. I wish I had arranged something like that for tonight.

Thursday, Apr 17th "Gays are all the rage. No one ever fights for the celibate rights. No one cares if two celibates wanna get married"

Reading: Still "Peter Pan." What I like about this book is how it's not obvious about the good and evil characters, which is the bane of most children literature [not the good one though]. Peter for instance is kind of obnoxious. I also like some instances of subtle humor in it, especially in the portrayal of the father Music: Somewhat obsessively "Boy in the Bubble" and it bugs me that I can't figure out the lyrics. Either it's rather abstract or I miss some information. Interestingly enough, I think I get the mood correctly Mood: Industrious; also the recent stress is having adverse effect on me

As talk with one of my teachers showed me this is the moment I've been waiting for, the last moment to get down to work and save this semester. Nothing like deadlines as motivation. In this respect I'm cut out for a designing job. And yeah, I rarely sign quotes but as you might find this one puzzling it's Alien Loves Predator, which is luckily back.

Tuesday, Apr 15th Tripping Over Things

Reading: "Peter Pan." I'm not that juvenile but I do have some catching up on children's classics to do Music: Here's a choice: "Hold On" by Waits [he said "Hold on" is a cool phrase to put in a song and it is; comes in useful], "Boy in the Bubble" both by Patti Smith and Simon, "Tonight Will Be Fine" by Cohen, a quirky song by Daniel Johnston. I don't seem to be able to find this One song that I need right now. Suggestions? Mood: ---

If I didn't have to do anything and could do whatsoever I'd learn Dutch. No reason. I like their guttural g.

Monday, Apr 14th "Like a raven at my window with a broken wing"

Reading: Sadly nothing. My library trip is getting postponed Music: Patti! Mood: Drama, drama, drama; I'm so not a drama queen by nature

Things that got me through the day: Patti Smith, my brother, a skirt, new shampoo, McDonald's raspberry pie, a Dilbert collection in a bookstore, talking to random people and to not so random people.

Saturday, Apr 12th "New York garbage men are striking for a better class of garbage"

Reading: Huh, didn't manage to go to the library for the last three days so the correct answer would be nothing Music: For example, Tom Waits' "Downtown Train" - like it a lot Mood: You seriously don't wanna know; never eating again seems like a good plan for now

I watched Woody Allen's "Bananas." It was his first movie that I ever saw many, many years ago and rewatching it right now I was actually shocked to see so little talky boredom and so many slapstick gags. It's actually very funny in a completely obvious, silly way and it's got surprisingly much in common with Monty Python. My favorite scene though is much more Allenian. It's when the girl is breaking up with Fielding and says that something is missing only she can't pin it down so maybe he could tell her what's wrong with him? I don't know if Allen understands women but he's surely a damn good observer. Also, this. How good karma do you need to be able to see Dylan and Patti in a joint concert?

Tuesday, Apr 8th [for quote see below]

Reading: Same Music: Crowded House "Four Seasons in One Day"; catchy Mood: Don't get me started. You really don't want to

"The bad news is we don't have any control. The good news is you can't make any mistakes." Today I wish this wisecrack by Palahniuk was true. I feel like I'm in for mistakes.

Monday, Apr 7th [2008] Dream a Little Dream

Reading: Finishing Dukaj's "Other Songs" and I must admit I love this book. No "serious" book in quite a while has made so much impression on me, and made me think so much about the nature of personality and social forms. I know that writing like this I kind of accept the prejudice against fantasy books but one, they ARE not taken seriously and two, lots of them justify this Music: Medley. Includes Tom Waits' "Hold On," which is very cool Mood: Where's the sunshine? How am I supposed to work on my self-portrait without it?

I get the feeling that some people may not fully appreciate the complexity of my psyche. Or not give a damn, which is just cruel. For this reason and this reason only I have assembled a list of my typical dream motifs. And yeah, I read Freud too. If I'm perverted at least I don't harass people in the park alleys. Seashore. I don't know why I should dream about it all the time and it's usually crowded and if I do get into the water it's dirty. Public beaches every time. I only once dreamt about a beautiful sea which was so very blue and the shore was so very white and it was just me there. Staircases in tall buildings, alternating with elevators. Towers, apartment buildings, it's your pick, I've been there in my dreams. And I always go up and I feel safe in the staircases but not so in the elevators - which I don't even use when awake. Space invaders. Hey, I don't choose these things. If it was up to me I'd dream about kittens but instead I get soul-sucking aliens headquartering in my grandma's house. And so I have to run. Why do you always run so slowly in a dream? Driving a car. When I didn't know how to drive I dreamt about it all the time. Then I learnt to drive and I stopped having such dreams. But now that I'm forgetting it, what do you know, the dreams are back. And driving in a dream is even more tiresome than driving normally is and someone is always chasing me. Police, most likely. Places of my childhood - the houses where we lived and their surroundings. Not that we were millionaires and owned several mansions but we moved some. My subconsciousness seems to remember those places perfectly, only sometimes infests them with flamingos. Dark forces whether in the form of snakes or evil tomatoes, the only dreams which make me wake up and apply my anti-nightmare procedures. Yeah, I do have them. And they work. What? Charming men. If I'm very good, if I have helped enough old ladies cross the street, those men don't turn embarrassing or psychotic. They might even give me a hug. And once, once it was Redford and we were superspies together. One of my top ten dreams ever. Lesbians. But don't get too excited. There's nothing sexual about them. I just meet some women and know that they are lesbians. Cinemas! I don't get it either. It's sometimes theaters or shopping centers but mostly it's cinemas and I never have a ticket. See? So much exhibitionism without sex. No, I don't have any sex dreams to speak of.